Monday, May 5, 2008

Proposed Perk Package for C.C.

With C.C.'s contract negotiations expected to resume at the conclusion of this season, LFL took the opportunity to speak with Mark Shaprio about how the talks are progressing. Shapiro informed us that they learned a lot from the failed attempt to resign Jim Thome at the conclusion of the 2002 season. Some may remember that instead of a guaranteed sixth year, the Indians offered Thome an extensive list of perks. Some of the perks included a no trade clause and statue of Thome outside Progressive Field, similar to Bob Feller's. Many say that this was too little too late and if it had been offered earlier in the contract talks, it would have sealed the deal. Learning from past failures, Shapiro decided to offer a similar perk package to C.C. during the negotiations in spring training. In an LFL exclusive, we've obtained the list of the perks and outline them below.

  • Rename the Terrace Club to the Crooked Cap Club.


  • Exemption from West Coast road trips involving games against Oakland.


  • Guarantee from marketing department that there will never again be a 1970 Retro C.C. Bobblehead night or anything similar.


  • Matt Underwood will be required to scream "C.C. Ya Later!" ever time Sabathia strikes out a batter on an STO broadcast.


  • Hafner will sit out games in which Sabathia starts, Sabathia will be allowed to bat for himself.


  • Hot dog vendors will be required to make stops in the Indians dugout on Dollar Dog Night.


  • Rename Eagle Avenue to Hefty Lefty Boulevard.


  • Creation of the C.C. Under Achievers Club. It will reward students who get only C's on their report cards.


  • A statue outside the stadium next to Bob Feller's, which will be named Big Feller. Along with the promise to never desecrate it with a "It's Tribe Time" t-shirt during future playoff series.


  • A promise from the Dolan family to "Spend when the time is right" to put together a line-up that can average more than two runs a game.
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