Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Indians Propose Division Re-Alignment

CLEVELAND, OH – Cleveland Indians Team President Paul Dolan, responding to the suggestions of GM Mark Shapiro and Manager Eric Wedge, has apparently sent a letter to MLB pushing them for a division re-alignment. Dolan's proposal would move the Texas Rangers from the AL West into the AL Central and move the Minnesota Twins from the AL Central to the AL West.

Details have been limited, but reports are that Dolan’s reasons are that Arlington is no more a western town than Minneapolis. Also Dolan is hoping to drive up attendance by bringing hometown favorite, Milton Bradley into Progressive Field more frequently and give the fans something to cheer (well, in this case boo) about. It would also allow for the “Playing Cowboys and Indians” marketing campaign by making the Rangers a regular opponent and hopefully a bitter rival.

Clearly Dolan has lost his mind. We here at LFL feel this is just a front for the real reasons behind this effort. Arlington is no more a western town than Minneapolis? Come on. Arlington is just outside of Dallas and what is more western than Dallas? Milton Bradley? Does anyone other than Tom Hamilton really care about Milton Bradley and his propensity for being thrown out of games by arguing bases and strikes?

Our crack team here at LFL did a little research, we believe we’ve found the real reason for this proposal. The Indians, clearly slumping offensively, are batting .312 with 10 HR and 54 runs scored against the Rangers in 7 games as opposed to .241 with 3 HR and 31 run scored in 5 games against the Twins.

As long as Dolan is at it, why not propose moving Detroit to the NL Central and Chicago to the NL East and bring Pittsburgh and Washington to the AL Central. Obvious Dolan is hoping to hide the deficiencies of this club by trying to turn the Al Central back to the playground the Indians enjoyed in the late nineties.

Stay tuned, as it is still early, and this is only going to get more bizarre.

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