Thursday, July 31, 2008

Latest Summer Blockbuster

Coming to a theater near you:

Left Field Lampoon's Summer Vacation

It is a sad story of a small market GM working for a business-savvy team president who is forced to say goodbye to the super-star ace pitcher that he helped raise from a raw draft pick to Cy Young Award winner when the pitcher's "expectations" don't align with the team's "abilities". Sadness turns to anger when it is reveled that off season inactivity by the GM is what ultimately lead to his demise.

Follow along as the story takes you from the ineffective contract talks in spring training, to the disappointing first three months of the season (in which the entire team struggles, but no one is to blame except a greasy-haired outfielder), to the eventual trading for prospects and PTBNL. Ride the emotional roller coaster as the bullpen blows lead after lead, as the offense squanders opportunity after opportunity and kills rally after rally. Watch the reining AL Cy Young Award winner start the season 0-3 with 13.50 ERA.

Meet the key characters like the peculiar and unemotional manager Cousin Wedgie, who is determined to have his players act in a professional manner and keep their egos in-check by never offering any praise. Paul Dolan, the business-mined, spend-what-you-bring-in team president. Doug Melvin, the general manager with a "the future is NOW!" mentality. Mark Shapiro, the can-do-no-wrong general manager who always comes out looking good. And CC, the fun-loving teddy bear of man who just wants to live his dream and play baseball for the Cleveland Indians.

What others are saying:

Roger Ebert: " root cancel without Novocain was more enjoyable and thankfully, shorter than this movie..."

Chevy Chase: " attorneys are drafting something up right now..."

CC Sabathia: "...Thanks For 10 Great Years..."

Another Quality Post Inspired By The Serial Posters @ The DiaTribe

Friday, July 18, 2008

Sabathia Fires Website Design Firm

MILWAUKEE, WI - CC Sabathia, recently traded to the Milwaukee Brewers, has relieved the design team of his player website ( of their duties. Sabathia, in a request through his publiCCist, asked that the media refer to him as CC without the periods. However, upon reviewing his player website, Sabathia disCCovered several instances were his name was still noted as "C.C.". When questioned about the decision, CC stated "CClearly they do not take that HONOR of designing and maintaining my website serious. It is obvious that they do not realize my importanCCe and that people are lining up for a CChance to design my site." CC CContinued, somewhat CChoked up, "How can I expect the media to honor my request, when my own website design team disregards it! It is simply unaCCCCeptable!" CC then slammed his CCap to the loCCker room floor and stormed out, pouting like the CC we CCame to love in the early part of his CCareer.

LFL, doing it's own review of CC's site, CCounted a total of 15 times that CC is "C.C.". We also found it still mentions him as being a CCleveland Indian, something CC surely would be disappointed to know.

LFL also learned that CC's request for the period removal went even farther; he has requested that when writing a story that references him, reporters are to use double-Cs throughout the story. For example: "CC pitCChed nine CComplete innings, leading the Brewers to viCCtory." Apparently to drive home the point of his importanCCe. He also requested that Bob UeCCker CCall "CC-Ya-Later" whenever CC goes yard during a Brewers radio broadCCast.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Cleveland Traded C...C...

Now that C...C...'s departure to the Brewers for Matt LaPorta, two PANBNMHs (Player Already Named But Not Mentioned Here) and one PTBNL (Player To Be Named Later) is official, we continue our Top 10 Reasons series with a little different prospective.

This represents the Top 10 reasons the Indians gave up on re-signing Sabathia and traded him to Milwaukee.

Let The Countdown Begin...

10. Paying by the pound finally proved too costly

9. After a few months in Milwaukee receiving run support and having the lead he left the bullpen with being held. Shapiro claims: "He'll be begging us to bring him back."

8. Last remaining member of the Crooked-Cap Club is finally gone

7. 2007 Postseason

6. Two Words, Barry Zito

5. You can get two Faustos for the price of one C...C...

4. Reunite him with good friends Russell Branyan and David Riske

3. Who needs C...C... Sabathia when you got Jeff Weaver

2. Emotion occasionally displayed on the field was determined unacceptable for a "Professional" ballplayer by Manager Eric Wedge

1. When agreeing to allow the Tribe to play a three game series against the Angles last year in Miller Park, Brewers GM Doug Melvin informed Indians GM Mark Shapiro, "Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But uh, until that day, accept a gift..."

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Top 10 Reasons C.C. Should Re-sign

In light of the Indians' season spiraling out-of-control and C.C. heading to the mound tonight for what might be his last appearance in an Indians uniform. It seemed appropriate to post the first of four "Top 10 Reasons" lists relating to C.C.'s pending FA/trade departure.

This represents the Top 10 Reasons C.C. should decide to stay with the Tribe.

Drum roll please...

10. Great opportunity to teach your son a life lesson in loyalty.

9. Think Cleveland fans are harsh? Try starting 0-3 with 13.50 ERA in New York.

8. A home-grown star choosing Cleveland over the money, could be King, well at least Mayor.

7. Trouble pitching in Oakland? Try pitching half your games there.

6. Melting down the Ramirez and Thome statues may yield enough material for your own statue.

5. Most managers will yell and scream when their players are vastly under performing.

4. Additional money will disappear when adjusted for New York/California cost of living rates.

3. Dollar Dog Night.

2. Cleveland's dental converge is the best in the league.