Monday, August 11, 2008

Shoppach Switching To Maple Bats

TORONTO, ON - Kelly Shoppach, currently serving as full-time catcher with Victor Martinez on the DL, was seen with his right thigh wrapped in ice following Cleveland's 4-0 victory over the Toronto Blue Jays. Shoppach snapped his bat over his leg in the fourth inning after striking out for the third time in the game, leaving runners on first and third.

When asked by reports about the ice, Shoppach responded "I did the same stupid thing last year in July. My leg hurt for a couple of days, but I wasn't playing every day last year, so I was able to hide my injury using Lonnie's...uh...I...mean...anyways, I'm going to be switching to maple bats since they are easier to break. This should lessen the likelihood of injury."

The beat reporters then turned off their recording devices and put their notepads away and headed over to Cliff Lee's locker to ask him about his eight innings of shutout baseball, 17 total this year against the Jays. However our top notch beat reporter here at LFL stayed behind. He noticed something about Shoppach’s comments; he had begun to elaborate on hiding his injury last year, but stopped himself mid-sentence. He initially stated he had no comment when asked by LFL about this, but after a little bit of prodding, Shoppach revealed that upon arriving in Cleveland in the trade with Boston, he was given "Lonnie Soloff's Guide to Injury Hiding" - a four page pamphlet explaining how to best hide nagging injuries from coaches, front office personnel, fans and even the finest beat reports in Cleveland. He said it covers everything from avoiding questions regarding icing your shoulder after a game, even though you are the DH. To pretending you injured your hamstring, so no one will notice your elbow is killing you. To even paying off the bullpen radar gun operator so Luis Isaac won't notice your fastball is topping out at 79 MPH prior to the ninth inning.

Wedge responded to questions regarding this by saying, “Kelly has a vivid imagination, I wouldn’t take him too serious."

No comments: